Today was my last day of working at the movies! I'm super super excited to not have to go back there for a while. Although leaving there got me all thinking about leaving places and saying goodbye to people, even though it's not like I had a bunch of best friends there or anything. It's just, you know, you start thinking about not seeing those same people pretty much everyday anymore (even though that's a relief in some cases). And then I started thinking about leaving for college again and missing my family.
Last year when I moved in to college for the very fist time, I felt perfectly fine going there. That morning I woke up so excited and ready to go as fast as possible! And moving in and everything seemed to be going okay and I liked my roommate and everything was fine and dandy. And then before my parents left, we went to grab some food. I think we just went to McDonald's or something...anyways, we were inside eating our grease covered fat and my Dad got up to get something and I was just sitting there with my Mom and she was going on about something or other I should remember while I'm at school. Out of nowhere, I got the most sad feeling in the pit of my stomach because it finally hit me that I would no longer be able to depend on my parents every day no matter what. I tried to hold it back but once we got up to leave, I was a mess. Walking out the door I could feel the semi-embarrassing tears welling up in my eyes and the second we were in the mini van (super cool ride, I know) I was all sniffles and kleenex. And it was SO depressing! Nobody knows about this because I was sitting in the back seat and my parents were up front. I don't know if they thought I had the sniffles for no reason...perhaps I caught a cold in the past five minutes. Or maybe they knew about it...or at least my Mom (I had to request the box of kleenex from her with that terrible wobbly crying voice) maybe knew and they just decided to let me be anyways. It was pretty depressing looking back on it. But that was it. That was the only time I had ever really missed my parents at school except for the one time my Mom mailed me a card randomly that had a cute puppy on it with a sad face that said "I miss you and love you lots" on the inside. Then I missed her and my Dad again. But that's about it really. I suppose it's just that whole "growing up and living on your own" thing kicking in. And now that I'm about to be off for another year, I started thinking about all of this again and hoping the same thing wouldn't happen. I feel a lot more used to being away from home now and hopefully I can handle them leaving without becoming a sappy mess.
I'm going to miss my high school friends again leaving. And doesn't that suck, too? Growing apart from your friends from high school? I don't get that. Why do you grow apart from people at all? I feel like I haven't changed all that much from high school. And when I hang out with someone from high school, I don't feel like they have either. But if we were to ALL hang out at once together, I think it might be kind of strange. But why? It's not like major changes have been made to our personalities, at least not that I can tell. Maybe there was but we just can't really tell because we're so wrapped up in it. I don't know if this is making a whole lot of sense. I was just standing there at my register during work, thinking about all of this and so here I am, babbling about it.
Sorry this was a bit more of a journal-esque type entry rather than a blog about general topics but it was all just on my mind and I wanted to get it out.
Thanks for reading :)
Love,
Rachel
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