so fare thee well, my own true love; i'll think of you night and day

Ugh. Do you ever get that feeling that you're just all over the place? Like everything you do is just really chaotic and you just feel kind of icky and discontent? That's kind of how I feel right now. And I cannot quite put my finger on what the problem is. A lot of stuff at school has been stressing me out, and I'm not even usually one for stressing but there's just so much going on. What with scheduling for next semester, trying to get all these end of the semester projects done, etc. etc, it's kind of hard to avoid getting a little jumbled up. But I feel like it's something even more than that.

My friend and I were talking about how difficult our major is (although many people might not think so). I'm an Early Childhood and Special Education major and although that may just sound like oh yeah, I'm going to teach little kids and it's going to be so much fun, it's not all  it's cracked up to be so far. And that's kind of hugely disappointing. It's not even the classes so much as just there is so much crap you have to go through to get to a classroom. For instance, all these clearances and things you have to get at a certain time and plan that all out. I know they're important and prevent creeps from getting into the schools and whatnot, it's just a huge bother and costs a lot of money. I have to pretty much take the SATs all over again with the Praxis test which is a bother. And on top of all of this petty stuff, there's so much in the news now about teachers not being true to their work and taking short cuts and just being bad teachers in general. There's stories about teacher who don't teach the information for the actual knowledge, but more just so the students can pass the standardized tests and get the school up to a good status and when I hear about them I get mad because that's not doing a whole lot for the kids - they're not actually learning anything! But at the same time, with all the pressure for schools to have acceptable test score ratings and teachers being blamed if the children aren't performing at a certain level, how is a teacher supposed to go about doing their job anymore? It seems like the people in charge want one thing, but the only way for teachers to get there is to cheat and take short cuts and then that gets them in more trouble. Looking at the profession of teaching, one might think that it's pretty simple and I used to think so as well. But after going through the classes and reading all these news stories, I have a new found respect for anybody who is brave enough to go out there and try and find a teaching job and actually succeed at it. I just want to do what I thought being a kindergarten teacher would be like when I was younger. I've wanted to be a teacher my whole life (whether it was my first choice, or in the back of my head), but not I don't know. And that's kind of scary. But I can't switch now. I have no idea what else I'd do. I'm not good at anything and I think it would probably kill my mother if I had to be at college for more than four years. She tells me at least once a day that I better graduate on time and get a job and be able to fend for myself. So here I am. Stuck and confused.

Oh well! I just have to try and keep my chin up and keep moving forward as unoriginal as that sounds. At least I have a life plan! I'm going to graduate from IUP in 2013, move to Philadelphia and hopefully find somewhere to live in Manayunk (where my brother lives currently) and find a job in one of the city schools. That's my plan but I just hope it's what I really want to do and I'm not missing something more important staring me right in the face. I guess we'll just have to wait and see!
Thanks for reading :)
Love,
Rachel

i started looking for a warning sign

I'm not sure why exactly but recently my mind hasn't been on anything normal. For instance, the last few posts (including this one) were about someone or something that has reminded me of someone and it's not even just one person, it's multiple people. But that's all I've been thinking about. It seems like every night for the past week or so I just sit here and think about different people and whatnot. I apologize to any readers who are more used to me babbling about things like clothing or nail polish colors or decorating a room - any normal, more general topics. I just seem to be in a kind of funk I guess. Not a bad one exactly but just a funk.

This evening's thoughts went to things I've done that I strongly had a feeling I would somewhat regret and I turned out to be precisely correct. I hate that. I'm not sure if you have ever done anything like that and been so extremely disappointed when that tiniest glimmer of hope was crushed by the outcome. There's plenty of situations it can happen with so I'm sure some of you know what I'm talking about. But it's like a strange bad habit I have. I can't help it though...it's like a force inside me that I can't stop. I don't know. I feel like sometimes you just want something or someone so badly or you want something to happen so badly that you're willing to try whatever to get to that end. Even though in the back of your head you know there's a 95% chance things are just going to lamely pan out or backfire right in your face, you go for it anyways. Which is really just stupid and upsetting to even think about. It's like every time I tell myself that I won't do it again, some situation arises and there I am again - faced with my bad habit and a sort of inevitable disappointment. It's a vicious cycle of sorts. I start to think with each one of these things that perhaps just this once with this one thing it will work out in my favor...and then POOF! There it goes again. I was wrong.

But what if everybody who's like me and felt compelled to try and try again in these seemingly unavoidable situations stopped trying? What if all us dreamers stopped dreaming? Sounds slightly cheesy, but you know what I mean. Sometimes I think I might just give up on whatever but then that next something or someone come along and there it goes again. But if I didn't keep trying then eventually I would miss out on something, whatever it may be, and then what? That wouldn't be a good ending to the story either. So what to do? Keep trying or let it all go? I like to think I believe in the whole "if it's meant to be, it will be" theory but sometimes it gets hard deciphering between letting it be and doing what you think you should do to go with that flow. Where do you draw the line between pushing and shoving things and just riding the currents? There's too many questions that don't really have an answer I guess but it's just what was on my mind.

Thanks for reading :)
Love,
Rachel

come as you are, as you were, as i want you to be

Gosh, don't you just absolutely love music? Ever since the iPod was invented, I feel like everyone and their mother says something along the lines of "oh em gee music is my life" or "I can't live without my music" etc...etc. But as cheesy as it sounds, it's true. Alright, alright maybe I wouldn't actually keel over and die if I didn't have music to listen to every single day, but my life would be agonizingly boring. I love listening to music. I love the way certain melodies and voices can remind you of a time or place, sad or happy. My friend Maeve and I always notify each other of when we hear songs that remind us of something...Goo Goo Dolls for sophomore year of high school and crew races at Lake Arthur, Coldplay for the colder months of the year, the "apple pie song" for the summer she could drive us places, you get the idea. You hear a certain song and something hits you like a ton of bricks. I don't even mind music that makes me sad and mopey. Sometimes you just need that right? Yes. For instance, my favorite song in the entire world is The Scientist by Coldplay. I could listen to it at any time of day, any day of the year, no matter what mood I am in...and that will be true for the rest of my life. I've had numerous experiences attached to that song ranging from being younger and hearing my sister play it on an actual CD and not knowing what it was to listening to it live at their concert to listening to the guy I was currently infatuated with play it on the piano. But each time I listen to it, while all those memories come flooding back, I always get something new from it. And I love that about it.

Anyways, the title of this post is from the song Come As You Are by Nirvana. Now I'll admit, I had never really been a fan of Nirvana or Kurt Cobain up until today. And I am officially obsessed. I was watching the movie Definitely Maybe (one of my favorites! mm'mm Ryan Reynolds) and the main character Will Hayes and the love of his life April listen to it right before their first kiss. Every single time I watch the movie I always tell myself I must download that song because it is so perfect. It's slow and a little weird but for some reason has this way of putting you in a certain mood. It's just like...it's one of those most perfect songs. I love the lyrics...before they start talking about not having a gun (not really my scene) but the "come as you are, as you were...", that's good. So I loved this song so much, I took it upon myself to download the entire album and let me tell you something! It is the most beautiful mix of Cobain's sexy raspy voice, chillingly good lyrics and some pretty kick ass instrumental solos. I'm not usually one for the whole "grunge" rock thing but this is simply too good not to love. Let's get serious here, who is not drooling just looking at this picture?

So good. That about sums it up I think. I started downloading Nevermind from 1991 today...perhaps tomorrow I'll take another step back and get their 1989 album Bleach and work my way forward from there. I found this pretty awesome website...seems to be some pretty knowledgeable fans that created it but I learned a lot about the band and the godly Cobain.
Nirvana Obsessed
If you're as curious as I was, you can probably be on there for a pretty substantial period of time just looking around and seeing what they were all about. I don't know, it just kind of made my day and I love every single song so far and it got me thinking about music in general. So babbling away I decided was extremely appropriate! Hope you venture into the land of the "flagship band of Generation X"...it's a good place to be, believe me. Oh and if you're looking for something real chill, watch the video for Come As You Are. As one of the YouTube commenters stated ever so truly, "it's like one big awesome trip".

Thanks for reading :)
Love,
Rachel

i love you more than songs can say, but i can't keep running after yesterday

It's almost 2 o' clock in the morning right now and although I should be studying for my geography test tomorrow, I am blogging instead. I haven't been on here in a while and I guess it's just because school and everything is taking over my life a bit. I'm trying to get back on track and keep all my goals in mind as days go on and on. Starting this week I'm adding a new goal - no more junk food. I mean, not totally completely getting rid of every single sugary thing I love but just trying to rid myself of greasy gross fast food-type food. Kind of a difficult task to do while in college and not having a lot of moola but we'll see how it goes.

The real reason for writing this post is because just a moment or two ago, I was wasting time on Facebook (how unusual, I know) and it came up on the little chat thing that this one friend of mine was online. This particular friend got me to thinking about the past I had with them and how much I miss them. Instead of sketchily referring to this person as a "they/them" I'm going to come right out and admit that it is a boy. Anyways, I clicked on this boy's name, thinking maybe I'd talk to him...we haven't talked in what seems like way too long a period of time and it made me a bit sad. But when I tried to think of something to say, I had nothing. I had nothing that I could actually SAY. I mean, I have a lot to say to him because he meant...er...means a lot to me but I would never actually tell him that anymore. It just seems kind of goofy and out of place now. The whole situation with this particular boy was kind of weird to start out with, but I seem to be prone to finding myself in weird situations so it was perfectly fitting for a girl like me, always wanting something  I can't really have. Anyways, I wanted to say all these things to him, but couldn't even work up the courage to say hello. So I thought maybe I could just blog something to him and he'd never even know. Which is fine. It's just one of those times when I really really really miss this person and want to talk to him so badly like we used to. But seeing as how I don't think that will happen, here I am. If you don't want to read this all,  that's perfectly understandable. It's kind of depressing but I just feel like doing it. So...

Dear so-and-so,

I miss you. It's such a stupidly cliched thing to say, but I can't help it. I think about you all the time still even though it's been a pretty long time since we've talked like we used to. I see something while walking to class or eating a meal that reminds me of something funny you said or we talked about. Like yesterday, I saw a sign that had an advertisement for I don't even remember what, but it had this name on it that you used to call me all the time and it made me stop and think for a second. I don't know....all these little random kinds of things keep popping up lately and it's heart breaking. I miss talking to you every day so so much sometimes it hurts. That sounds pathetic. But I got so used to telling you about my day even if it was boring. You'd find some way to make a joke or tell me how pretty I am and I'd laugh and feel better. It was like I actually meant something to someone (however conceited that explanation may have come out). You made me feel good. Every time I talked to you, it's like you really knew exactly what I wanted to hear. It's like someone had sent you to me to be that absolutely perfect person who totally one hundred percent understood everything about me and didn't judge or dislike any part of it. But I suppose I was wrong about that last part. There had to have been something...I don't know if one day I just did something or said something that made you dislike me in such a way that we stopped talking completely. And that's the worst part of this whole thing. As I said before, the situation with us was weird to begin with and it was difficult to deal with, but now that it's all over, I realize that I would have dealt with it if you had wanted to. But I guess you didn't. A part of me still would. And still wants to. And that's terrible because everyone says how you should forget the past sometimes and live in the present. But what if you miss someone so much that you feel like you really are missing out on something that was so perfect and "meant to be"...I guess it's not really meant to be then. But you know what I mean, because you always did. I remember when we were still talking and it was super late one night and we had been talking for hours (which I usually can't do with boys) about pretty much nothing of any importance, but I just remember sitting there afterwards thinking that I knew something nobody else did. I loved you. I had never been more sure of anything in my life before than at that moment. And I never ever thought in a million years I would admit that to anybody or be posting it on the Internet. But seeing as how nobody really knows who I'm talking about, and nobody ever will, I think it's alright. I did though. Maybe I still do a little bit. I think this because there's a big part of me that I know would drop everything just to go back to a single one of those late night conversations and freeze time. You were so good to me. I just miss that. You were a constant good aspect of my life for a while there. And now......it's all over and I don't know how you're doing or how's school or how your family is or if you ever think about me like I think about you. For all I know, this is absolutely insane and you never felt even the slightest same feelings as I did but I don't care. It doesn't really matter too much, does it? I just don't know where I went wrong. Maybe you found someone else who suited you better and the situation wouldn't have to be weird like ours. That wouldn't surprise me. But I would have waited for you. Just so you know, I really would have. I think I should wrap this up now. It's depressing and it'll never reach you anyways so it's a little bit pointless I guess.

All my love,
(Thanks for reading, readers),
Rachel

I'd like to return the favor and have something left to give

All moved in! My new apartment has been taking up a lot of my time lately so I haven't been posting in a few days. But it looks absolutely fabulous so I'm not too worried about it. I love my new room and it's surprisingly clean and organized and I love everything about it. My dad spent a whole six hours putting together my dress/wardrobe thing...technically it's a linen closet according to IKEA but that's okay because it's pretty sweet looking. My mom bought me this cool wall hanging that looks like windows and it's looking out on a pretty yellow building...

sticker window!

Oh no. See? Now the text got centered and for the life of me I cannot figure out how to put it back to the left. Oh well! Anyways, isn't that pretty cool? They have a whole bunch of different ones at Target. There was one that was like a London red phone booth that I really liked and might have to go purchase. Apparently my mom saw one that was like a fancy headboard which I think is kind of neat because if you're in a college dorm or apartment or something and can't have an actual nice bed frame, it can still look nice. I'm not very much of an interior decorator or anything but I think I choose pretty cool looking stuff to put on my walls. I have these ribbons from high school that are all different colors and have little wishes printed out on them in English and French. They were at the Carnegie Museum and we stole a whole bunch. So I could never really figure out what to do with them but one day I decided to hang them up on my wall at home and they looked super fun! And then I took them to school with me last year and now they're back and still looking good. I like doing little things like that. Just adding in some fun little thing to a room that's a little unique to make the whole thing look just a bit more personalized. But I think that's why I could never design anybody else's rooms or anything like that. I've talked about this with multiple people before and it always comes down to the same thing - people would ask me to design a room around something they like and I'd be like "umm....no....your taste is sickeningly ugly and it's going to look awful". Because a majority of the time, that's what I think of a lot of other people's taste whether it's clothing or decorating or whatever. I'm kind of snooty and judgmental like that I guess but oh well that's just how I am. Anyways, that's pretty much why I couldn't do that. Otherwise I think I could. Like if someone wanted me to design something based off of all my own choices and "style" I would be perfectly fine and have tons of fun. But that's the only case where it would turn out looking good. In MY opinion. I don't really think I have a style anyways. My mom will tell me all the time when we're out shopping or doing whatever like that "that's not really your style, Rachel" but I don't get what that means. I mean, I suppose I could see someone saying that if I was trying to purchase some Baby Phat clothing or cowboy boots or something but I feel like I do choose a lot of random things that most people probably wouldn't all belong to a singular girl. So bottom line? I don't believe I have a specific style. I'm a total scatterbrain when it comes to that. It's just like how people tell me I have a certain "type" of guy. I don't think I do though. I only like a certain few things about guys - I like tall boys, with nice smiles, who aren't afraid to laugh and goof around and who won't judge me for my awkward weirdness that tends to rear its ugly head. But that's really it. I don't think that's really a type so much as just a few small things that I like. I don't know...Anyways, I feel like this was a pretty sufficient babble for today. I'll be off to my first class in less than twelve hours and I'm kind of nervous as usual so I should probably try and get as much sleep as possible!

Thanks for reading:)

Love,

Rachel

p.s. as requested, i'm mentioning my pal dave matthews. so if any of my "followers" are reading this, go listen to crush by dmb and dedicate it to Babbles. you can thank me later.

let you put your hands on me in my skin tight jeans

For the first time ever, I went thrifting today! Me and Maeve went to all these cool little vintage clothing/thrift shops and saw some pretty interesting stuff. Our favorite store was definitely this little place in Shadyside called Hey Betty! Apparently a lot of celebrities have shopped there. And they have an adorable little puppy that sits by the window so it's a win win situation really. They had a lot of varieties of clothing from different time periods so pretty much anything you could want from the past is available - from leather minis to wide legged flower power jumpsuits to old Army jackets and letterman sweaters, it's all there! I didn't even buy anything and I can't wait to go back. The other places weren't as good...a couple were actually pretty sketchy and had funky smells wafting you in the face as you walk in but it was an overall fun day.

Well that was written yesterday...it's now Wednesday which means only about a day and a half until I'm back in Indiana :) I'm so super excited. I've started going through all my laundry and clothing to start the long process of packing everything up. Going through all my clothes makes me feel kind of awful. There's so many things that I never wore or just don't like wearing anymore. I'm such a brat. I should probably just bag up all the stuff I really don't wear anymore and give it to some charity thing or something. But then my mother gets all agitated because half the stuff I'd want to give away would be stuff she bought me and I secretly hated/never even wore. So really it's a lose lose situation because whenever my mother gets mad at me it always makes me feel terrible. I don't know why but certain things like that make me feel really awful. Like just hearing someone say something in a disappointed or upset way make me really sad. I have no idea why really. It doesn't even have to be any major thing at all but just the way someone says something can bring me down. And every time it's happened I always wonder if other people feel the same way. Maybe not about the same thing I heard but just in general. Do you ever hear something and get really sad? Keep in mind I don't mean like someone being like "My turtle died today" :( I mean just saying something like...I don't even know...just something not that bad or even sad. I think I just have an extremely prominent conscience with stuff like that. It happens too whenever I have some disagreement with either of my parents. If I get so tired of hearing them lecture me or go on about something I've heard a million times over, I'll usually blow up at them after a while and say something I really don't mean or just outright yell at them and then I leave the room and literally a second later feel absolutely terrible for saying whatever it was I said. I never even apologize either. It just kind of eventually moves itself on but until things are back to normal again, I feel terrible in the back of my mind for being mean. People probably do feel like this all the time. But I can't decide if I would rather feel like that or just never get to say the things I want to say when I want to say them and feel regretful about that. Like in You've Got Mail when Meg Ryan's character, Kathleen, is explaining to "NY152" that she never gets the chance to say exactly what she wants at exactly the right moment. And then finally she does it to Joe Fox and instantly regrets doing it. There's really no winning I suppose. Either keep your mouth shut and feel like you should've said something or say what you want and have to deal with the possible feeling of regret.

Now that I only have the rest of today and tomorrow to do ALL of my packing, I should probably get off the computer and get to it! Sadly though, I know I'll post this and continue listening to music and playing online Sudoku. PROCRASTINATION PROCRASTINATION PROCRASTINATION!!!

Thanks for reading:)
Love,
Rachel

excuse me please, one more drink

SO I'M PRETTY HYPER RIGHT NOW. Me and Kelley went out last night to the movies and stopped at the Dirty Bird (aka Giant Eagle) to purchase some candy since the movie theater is a complete rip off. WELL! Apparently there, you can buy an entire POUND of candy for only like three dollars! Did you know that it's almost three dollars at the movies to get a QUARTER OF A POUND?!? What jerks! I couldn't believe my eyes! But now I can! As I sit here with the delicious left overs, I am glad we came across that find. Anyways, here I am eating all this sugar with nothing to do but blog.

I've decided since my past few blog titles have accidentally been song lyrics, I'm just going to do that. If you don't already know what song it's from, you should probably google it and find out because they're garunteed...guaranteed....(I can never spell it correctly the first time) to be good songs. MMMM SUGAR!

Okay sorry I'm such a spaz today. It's the sugar really. Oh and the fact that I just ate Chipotle for din din. THRILLING! It was extremely delicious as usual. Wow, I sound like such a fat kid. Oh well! I went shopping with my mother today which was kind of fun. I got new earrings which is super fun! They're little golden flowers. I usually don't like gold very much but I thought hey. These are pretty bossy. She had to help me put them in because it was the first time putting them back in since I've gotten them pierced and I was struggling as usual. She told me I was a sissy :( Anywho, here the earrings are!

Aren't they adorable?! I thought so. We also bought this super awesome nail polish which I'm very excited to finally use. We've been searching for a good blue-ish green color. Kind of like a Tiffany blue. And then my mother came across the perfect few shades in InStyle magazine so we went hunting for them today. Although now trying to find the color online, I came across this pretty color:

Now I kind of really want that one. But I just got this color and I can't remember it's name for the life of me. I remember its number was 527. I'm not sure if that really helps any. Hm...OMG I found it!!!

Isn't it so pretty!? I cannot wait to use it! And then I found another one that's a dark blood red...the perfect shade that I've been searching for since I realized red is my favorite color. And finally I found it! And it's not that ridiculous cheap stuff that'll chip off after you take one shower or something silly like that. Let's see...this one was number 427 I believe. Hopefully google has the mad skillz to locate this one as well. It does!

So perfect. It doesn't even look red in the picture but when you see it in person it's the absolute perfect red polish. Now I just have to get that gold and I'll be set for a while. I'd say overall, it was a pretty successful shopping day. I ended up buying some pretty sweet undergarments as well but I'm not exactly ready to share THAT much on here haha

I feel like today's post turned into me sharing my lame purchases but they're just so fabulous I had no choice but to share. There is one thing I should probably tell you though - if I ever post things on here about makeup or clothing or shoes or anything along those lines, never take my advice or read too much into my personal opinions because I don't really think I have any sense of style. I just like what I like. If it's in style, fine. If it's not...too bad-I like it anyways. If I like it, I wear it. My mother (who doesn't seem to understand that) is always telling me that I pick out things that are "too trendy" but it's just what I like at the time. It's not like I'm reading fashion magazines and following some chump guidelines that some stupid designer or stylist is telling me to follow. I mean, I have a pretty mismatched wardrobe. One minute I'm thinking a foofy floral print dress from my all time favorite store J. Crew is a good idea and the next I'm thinking a tye dye mens undershirt with old jeans and Converse is the way to go. It just depends on how I'm feeling. So back to my main point. Just don't listen to me. I'm awkward looking most of the time and can't decide on a concrete "style" to have so whatevs. I'm okay with it. 

Thanks for reading :)

Love,

Rachel

p.s. sorry the majority of this post is centered...I don't know when/how that happened.

p.p.s. you're  funny but goooooooood

i love it when you read to me

Today was my last day of working at the movies! I'm super super excited to not have to go back there for a while. Although leaving there got me all thinking about leaving places and saying goodbye to people, even though it's not like I had a bunch of best friends there or anything. It's just, you know, you start thinking about not seeing those same people pretty much everyday anymore (even though that's a relief in some cases). And then I started thinking about leaving for college again and missing my family.

Last year when I moved in to college for the very fist time, I felt perfectly fine going there. That morning I woke up so excited and ready to go as fast as possible! And moving in and everything seemed to be going okay and I liked my roommate and everything was fine and dandy. And then before my parents left, we went to grab some food. I think we just went to McDonald's or something...anyways, we were inside eating our grease covered fat and my Dad got up to get something and I was just sitting there with my Mom and she was going on about something or other I should remember while I'm at school. Out of nowhere, I got the most sad feeling in the pit of my stomach because it finally hit me that I would no longer be able to depend on my parents every day no matter what. I tried to hold it back but once we got up to leave, I was a mess. Walking out the door I could feel the semi-embarrassing tears welling up in my eyes and the second we were in the mini van (super cool ride, I know) I was all sniffles and kleenex. And it was SO depressing! Nobody knows about this because I was sitting in the back seat and my parents were up front. I don't know if they thought I had the sniffles for no reason...perhaps I caught a cold in the past five minutes. Or maybe they knew about it...or at least my Mom (I had to request the box of kleenex from her with that terrible wobbly crying voice) maybe knew and they just decided to let me be anyways. It was pretty depressing looking back on it. But that was it. That was the only time I had ever really missed my parents at school except for the one time my Mom mailed me a card randomly that had a cute puppy on it with a sad face that said "I miss you and love you lots" on the inside. Then I missed her and my Dad again. But that's about it really. I suppose it's just that whole "growing up and living on your own" thing kicking in. And now that I'm about to be off for another year, I started thinking about all of this again and hoping the same thing wouldn't happen. I feel a lot more used to being away from home now and hopefully I can handle them leaving without becoming a sappy mess.

I'm going to miss my high school friends again leaving. And doesn't that suck, too? Growing apart from your friends from high school? I don't get that. Why do you grow apart from people at all? I feel like I haven't changed all that much from high school. And when I hang out with someone from high school, I don't feel like they have either. But if we were to ALL hang out at once together, I think it might be kind of strange. But why? It's not like major changes have been made to our personalities, at least not that I can tell. Maybe there was but we just can't really tell because we're so wrapped up in it. I don't know if this is making a whole lot of sense. I was just standing there at my register during work, thinking about all of this and so here I am, babbling about it.

Sorry this was a bit more of a journal-esque type entry rather than a blog about general topics but it was all just on my mind and I wanted to get it out.

Thanks for reading :)
Love,
Rachel

hello again, you know you got what it is I want

Do you ever stop talking to someone for a longish period of time? And then randomly out of nowhere start talking to said person again? And you get all excited because you're like "Oh hey! Long time no talk..." But then you start this talking and it's just not the same? Like something has gone horribly wrong in that strange period of time in which you didn't speak to each other for no apparent reason. I hate it when that happens, don't you?

OMG I LOVE DAVE MATTHEWS. everybody wake uuuuuuuuup if you're living with your eyes clooooooooooooosed!

Moving right along, I saw yet another movie tonight. Vampires Suck. It was pretty hilarious. There was a giant cactus so I'm pretty much thrilled. There were a lot of tweens there which was a bit bothersome because it made me feel like a jerk for wanting to see it. But at the same time, those chumps probably didn't get half the jokes anyways so I suppose it's their loss. I like movies like that. There's a lot of cartoons that have little adult jokes thrown in there for kicks and giggles. Like in Despicable Me when Grue is walking into the Bank of Evil and it says underneath "previously owned by the Lehman brothers" or something along those lines. lolz :D

Ummmm okay what else? I only have two, COUNT 'EM! TWO days of work left!!! I could not be more thrilled. Although tomorrow I'm working like ten and a half hours. But at least I don't have to wake up early! Too bad my friend Elijah Wood won't be there. He's always a nice bumper to the hideousness that is the customers of Cinemark. Speaking of which, if he's reading this...hello!

Sorry this is such a bland post. I'm feeling kind of cranky right now :( Maybe it's due to the fact that I got like ZERO hours of sleep last night and felt like I was literally going to pass out at work today. Or maybe it's due to the fact that I hate people. Due to the fact, due to the fact, due to the fact....I love that phrase.

Thanks for reading :)
Love,
Rachel

my spanish fan

My friend Kelley just returned from a vacation in Spain and brought me back this beautiful fan so I thought I'd jazz up a picture of it and share it on here. I haven't quite mastered the whole graceful flip of opening it yet but I am working on it and maybe it'll happen...eventually. She also brought me back a whole mess of postcards. I'm a super huge fan of postcards. I don't know why or when it started really but whenever my friends go on vacations, I always ask them to send me or bring me back a postcard or two. I have quite a collection going now. I have everything from a hideous close-up of George Bush to shnazzy views of the Eiffel Tower at night to summery images of Duck, NC and now all the way to Espana! Maybe I'll actually do something with them some day. I don't know what yet...maybe a collage? But not a stupid grade school one that has glue seeping out of the edges and is a complete mess. A nice one that could be framed or something. Who knows! Here's another picture for you...it's one of the cards Kelley brought me and is my favorite out of the bunch I think. The back says "Ediciones Asangre...Sevilla Espana". Not sure exactly what that all means but that's alright. I just liked the picture.

Looks like fun, right? I would love to go to Spain some day. And Ireland. And Greece. And Africa. No problem. I'll just get right on that right quick. I also want to go back to France. I loved it there. I've actually been there twice but one of those times was when I was about seven or eight so I don't remember a whole lot. I do remember walking up to the Eiffel Tower and being the small tot that I was at the time, could not see it over the trees. My loving brother goes "There it is!"...to which I stupidly respond "Where?!"...meanwhile, it's about a hundred feet away right behind the trees. And what did I get in return? "You're an idiot." How embarrassing. Anyways, I got to go back last summer with some girls from school and I loved it so much. I do like Paris and the Eiffel Tower is one of the most awesome monuments in my opinion but I realized that the country in France is also very nice. We stayed in a place that right now of course I cannot recall the name of. But the little hotel we stayed at was right on the water where there were probably hundreds of little sailboats floating around. When we went for a walk that evening, the views were literally the most picture perfect I have ever seen. The sun setting on a beautifully colored sky with the water and the boats! Perfect! I wish I could spend an entire summer there! I would never get sick of just sitting around looking at everything.

Anywho, I guess today's babble was mostly about traveling to foreign places which I absolutely love doing. It's terribly scary going to a place where hardly anybody speaks the same language as you, but thrilling and new and fun at the same time. I didn't go anywhere this summer...just stayed in Pittsburgh and worked away at Cinemark which is a serious bummer. But hopefully this upcoming school year I'll be making plans to study abroad or travel somewhere next summer! Fingers crossed!

Thanks for reading :)
Love,
Rachel

one pair of candy lips and your bubblegum tongue

"What the fuck is a bubblegum tongue anyways?" Ah, the genius words of my newly found friend. We can call him Dave Matthews. Do you like the song "Your Body is a Wonderland" by John Mayer. I bet you do. Because guess what?! 99% of the population like that song. I mean, it's not like I could listen to it nonstop for the rest of my days but every once and a while when I hear it late at night playing on Delilah's radio station, it puts a smile on my face. I think it's a good song, OKAY DAVE?! Okay. I happen to enjoy Mayer's cheesy lyrics about the girl he was currently lovin' on and I feel like a lot of people would agree with me.

I don't think I have ever watched so many movies in such a small period of time. Two nights ago, my brother and I went to see Inception. Then last night we saw Dinner for Shmucks (very funny). This afternoon, we went with my mother and aunt to see Toy Story 3 during which I almost cried my eyes out. And then we just returned from seeing Despicable Me! So much time spent at Cinemark :/ mildly upsetting. But since all the movies were super good, I don't really mind. Toy Story 3 was so so so so sooooo good. Definitely my favorite out of the four. Watching the end of a series or reading the last book in a collection is always depressing, but since Andy from Toy Story is so close to my own age it was even more depressing seeing him go off to college and leave all of his toys behind! And the part where they're in the garbage and are realizing there is no way out from falling into the flames and all grab onto each other's hands, I had tears in my eyes that were SO threatening to turn me into a bawling mess. It was the singular movie that I can actually say "I laughed, I cried" and mean it. haha I'd say that makes it a definite win.

Currently I'm having a conversation with Dave Matthews about relationships and all that jazz so I figure I might as well put it in my blog because once I get to talking about it, I seem to not be able to stop until I get it all out. Okay. So people. I know everybody says that relationships can be complicated and you just have to work at them and people are always going to fight. I don't think so. Relationships aren't complicated unless one of the people makes them that way. If it's too complicated and it leads to fighting, let it go. It obviously wasn't meant to work out. And as for the "we just have to work on it" thing...gag me. What does that even mean? It's just like being complicated. You shouldn't have to work at it. And no, I'm not naive, living in a dreamland where everything is about unicorns eating rainbows and pooping gum drops but if there's something there, it will work itself out. You shouldn't have to TRY to make it work. That's forcing things. And forcing things is obnoxious. And fighting! That's another thing. Kill me if I ever hear another chump sappily complaining about "this fight my boyfriend/girlfriend and I are having". What are you fighting about? Probably something stupid. One person is too clingy and wants the other to call every five minutes, one person isn't clingy enough and just wants too much space, yada yada yada. Forget it! If there's such a problem, just stop. It's not good for either person or for the friends or coworkers or whomever have to listen to the stories of how it's just so awful. Okay I think I got it all out and I'm done.

This paragraph is actually being written a day later than all the others. I was rudely interrupted last evening in the midst of babbling and was unable to post for the rest of the night! Upsetting, I know. I don't really think I have a lot else to carry on about. I think last night's babble was pretty sufficient enough to cover two days. So I think I'll go eat some Mini Wheats.

Thanks for reading :)
Love,
Rachel

p.s. if you're looking for some good music, make a mix alternating DMB and Paramore. I know, I know. A bit of a strange mix. And I'll admit, I used to thoroughly despise Paramore but I am now a full time fan. And DMB...well...that speaks for itself.

this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship

I was just thinking about the movie When Harry Met Sally the other day and how much I adore it and then of course I turn on the tv and it's just starting. I love that movie. I feel like it's a lot like what happens to me. I meet someone, don't really like them or am just really sarcastic with them for whatever reason and then I end up actually liking them. Except  I haven't had that whole realizing you love someone and running to see them at a New Year's Eve party and making it there just in time to tell them how you want to spend the rest of your life with them thing happen. But anyways, I love that part when they're talking on the phone and they're both watching Casablanca and the ending line comes up (the title of this post) and Harry declares that it is the best ending line to a movie. And then Sally says she's going to sleep but Harry isn't tired yet so he tells her he'll probably end up just laying there moaning. And they hang up and what does Harry do? Lays there and moans. hahaha cracks me up every time.

I only have 12 days (not counting the rest of today) until I go back to Indiana!!! I couldn't be more excited. Me and Annieberry got our very own lovely apartment this year so I'm somewhere between double and triple excited. It's been quite a mess trying to buy everything we need but I think we've finally gotten every last thing. I'm even jazzed about this cute little vacuum we bought at Target. His name is Herbert Hoover even though he's a "Red Devil"....questionable. Our apartment is probably going to be completely hideous but that's okay because I'd be nervous if we had nice stuff that was meant to last and everything. Oh! I just bought my dresser a couple days ago and it is the coolest piece of furniture I have ever owned. It was actually labeled a linen closet but me and my mother decided it would definitely do as a dresser. It's gray and tall and has two glass doors with shelves inside and one drawer. I think it's pretty boss but my dad seems to disagree. But he doesn't really care as long as I like it. And I do, I do!

I have started every paragraph so far with I. I feel a bit self-absorbed. Let's try that again.

Maybe it's not so bad being just a tad self-absorbed when one is writing a blog. It's kind of supposed to be about you, right? I think that's what I'll tell myself so I don't feel so hideous for coming off as if I'm obsessed with my own boring life.

Thanks for reading :)
Love,
Rachel

postTWO

"It's not all about the ears." That is my favorite quote of today! While drudging (I think that's a word?) through eleven horrid hours at Cinemark, I was striking up conversation with a friend. Let's call him Elijah Wood (there is an uncanny resemblance). For all of you that don't know, I have a mild/severe obsession with Michael Phelps. I love him, what can I say! And most people make fun of me for thinking he's attractive because APPARENTLY some people think he has oversized ears. And Elijah goes "It's not all about the ears." I was laughing for a good couple minutes. I'd say it improved my whole disgustingly awful Cinemark experience and I thought I'd share. I guess it's not nearly as funny as when it happened at the time...oh well!

                                                           proof of his good lookingness

My brother is visiting! He got himself a faux hawk which is pretty upsetting and kind of makes me want to disown him as a sibling. I'm not sure what he was thinking...

Anyways, I've been thinking about it for a while now and there's all these things I now want to do! I want to run a marathon, I want to actually remember to write in my blog, I want to go to Ireland for a semester and I want to run every single day this school year. Is that too much to ask? I think not. I feel like now is the time to do all this stuff, right? I mean, I'm young and in college and I want to use my time to do things I really want to do and not just waste it on useless crap. I feel like I might fall asleep on my keyboard in the middle of my kitchen where I am currently typing this. I've been up since eight and after standing up for eleven hours, I could use a little shut eye I suppose. Speaking of waking up at eight, me and my dad went to Eat n' Park this morning for breakfast before work. For the first time in forever, I didn't get Stickies and Eggs. It was kind of sad but for some strange reason I didn't feel like eating them! Which is just ridiculous because who doesn't want a delicious plate of goodness consisting of this:

plus chocolate milk and other breakfasty items?! I feel a little out of whack, but at least I had some Swedish Fish this evening while seeing Inception the second time around with my brother. Which by the way is a FABULOUS movie and anybody who doesn't mind doing a little bit of thinking during a movie should definitely go see it. Even I, who hates movies where you have to pay attention and know exactly what's going on every minute, loved loved loved it. So that's saying something. And plus, who the heck doesn't love Joseph Gordon-Levitt? Exactly.

Anywho, I think it's time for bed. I don't even know where I'll end up sleeping. The floor? Perhaps the couch? Both terrible choices :(

Thanks for reading!
Love,
Rachel

postONE

I'm officially a blogger! How exciting! I'm not sure what I should title this post yet...perhaps "postONE" is a good choice...standard, but it makes sense, right? Right. You're probably wondering why post is lower case and one is capital. Or maybe you're not! But I'll go ahead and explain anyways. I've been burning a lot of my own CDs lately due to the sad fact that I don't have a connector for my iPod in the car :( But I have found that making your own CDs and getting to decorate them with Sharpie is much more fun than simply making a playlist and hooking up an iPod. It's like the satisfaction you get from writing a real letter rather than sending an email or text. Anyways, that's how I've been labeling all of my new super cool CDs...mixONe, mixTWO, mixTHREE, etc. Not that you care. Whoever you are! I just made a new mix I'm quite excited about. Mostly consisting of the ever-sexy Dave Matthews I'm proud to say.

Now that I've already begun babbling without even explaining myself or the purpose of this blog.......my friend recently starting blogging and it looked like so much fun! Even if nobody reads it, it's still kind of cool to be able to have put yourself out there. So here I am! Putting myself out there I guess. I just sometimes feel like writing everything down. Do you ever get that feeling? I'm sure you do. You just want to write a letter, to who, it doesn't even matter. You just need to tell them what's new, how the weather's been, anything really. It's like that journal full of "secrets" every girl (and possibly boy?) had growing up. I've had about five or six of those things and they've all failed. And then exactly a year ago I tried to start one again. I found it under my mattress a few weeks ago and read through it...I was babbling on as usual about being nervous for college, liking some chump guy, blah blah blah. And I got to thinking how depressing it sort of is. I had this great idea so many times to write down everything and keep a record of myself and every single time it has failed! Thus, I am dedicating myself to this blog wholeheartedly. I hope I spelled that correctly. Hopefully my posts always won't be this mundane and don't worry, they won't be lame accounts of my everyday life, but I figure I'll put in just whatever I feel like talking about that day. I'm quite the conversationalist, you'll soon learn.

Well! Thanks for reading whoever you are :)

Love,
Rachel (yes I really am going to sign my blog like this every single post)

p.s. helloooooo lexi!