I'm not sure why exactly but recently my mind hasn't been on anything normal. For instance, the last few posts (including this one) were about someone or something that has reminded me of someone and it's not even just one person, it's multiple people. But that's all I've been thinking about. It seems like every night for the past week or so I just sit here and think about different people and whatnot. I apologize to any readers who are more used to me babbling about things like clothing or nail polish colors or decorating a room - any normal, more general topics. I just seem to be in a kind of funk I guess. Not a bad one exactly but just a funk.
This evening's thoughts went to things I've done that I strongly had a feeling I would somewhat regret and I turned out to be precisely correct. I hate that. I'm not sure if you have ever done anything like that and been so extremely disappointed when that tiniest glimmer of hope was crushed by the outcome. There's plenty of situations it can happen with so I'm sure some of you know what I'm talking about. But it's like a strange bad habit I have. I can't help it though...it's like a force inside me that I can't stop. I don't know. I feel like sometimes you just want something or someone so badly or you want something to happen so badly that you're willing to try whatever to get to that end. Even though in the back of your head you know there's a 95% chance things are just going to lamely pan out or backfire right in your face, you go for it anyways. Which is really just stupid and upsetting to even think about. It's like every time I tell myself that I won't do it again, some situation arises and there I am again - faced with my bad habit and a sort of inevitable disappointment. It's a vicious cycle of sorts. I start to think with each one of these things that perhaps just this once with this one thing it will work out in my favor...and then POOF! There it goes again. I was wrong.
But what if everybody who's like me and felt compelled to try and try again in these seemingly unavoidable situations stopped trying? What if all us dreamers stopped dreaming? Sounds slightly cheesy, but you know what I mean. Sometimes I think I might just give up on whatever but then that next something or someone come along and there it goes again. But if I didn't keep trying then eventually I would miss out on something, whatever it may be, and then what? That wouldn't be a good ending to the story either. So what to do? Keep trying or let it all go? I like to think I believe in the whole "if it's meant to be, it will be" theory but sometimes it gets hard deciphering between letting it be and doing what you think you should do to go with that flow. Where do you draw the line between pushing and shoving things and just riding the currents? There's too many questions that don't really have an answer I guess but it's just what was on my mind.
Thanks for reading :)
Love,
Rachel
cheer up butterbup
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