Revamping

For the past few days, I've been in a funk. And I don't mean any kind of funk. I mean a break-up, bad grades, moving back home, missing my best friends kind of funk. It's like too many things are going on at once and I can't even find the emotional capacity to deal with all of them...or any for that matter. It's now Friday evening, I've been home since Sunday afternoon...and somewhere between crying myself to sleep and trying to deal with having to live with my parents for the next three months, I had a kind of epiphany.
I think the event that really pushed me over the pathetic edge I was standing on, and into the reality of summer was finding out that I landed my dream job, working at the YMCA as a camp counselor. Then this morning, I got a random surge of energy when I awoke from my precious twelve-hour slumber. I was going to get shit done today. I mean, what the heck was I doing? I hadn't even unpacked my clothing. I've been living off a weeks-worth of undies and awful combinations of shorts and t-shirts that refuse to match properly (which if you know me well, is bothering me to no end). I need to unpack! And I need to exercise! And I need to fucking get over myself and enjoy my summer!
Phew! So I ate my breakfast, unloaded my suitcases and started my laundry. Now I know that may not seem like any huge feat to anybody, but if you could only see the condition I was in. It was like someone had sucked the happy (and cleanliness) out of me. Gross. I was not happy-Rachel and I was beginning to get on my own nerves. I had been sitting around on Facebook and Twitter, hating people who were happy...going away on trips, studying abroad, starting new relationships or just enjoying themselves in general. I recently broke up with my boyfriend, who I've known for about a year and a half and I've been struggling with that. By struggling, I mean sleeping in his t-shirts and clutching the stuffed bear he gave me for Valentine's Day. I actually got into an argument with my mother and she used my breakup against me which blew any kind of confidence I had going right out the window. It's not that I'm one hundred percent over it, but I need to move on. And I feel really good about that...and from there I think everything else has room to improve. I don't need some guy to be talking to 24/7. I don't need to share every detail of my life with someone else. I want to do good for myself...I want to write, I want to exercise, I want to go to my job and actually enjoy it...there's an endless list of possibilities I suppose.
So back to my day...I took a shower, washed off all the grime and hate and depression and just kept doing my laundry...like a boss. Then I remembered this blog that I haven't written anything on since last summer. Which is kind of sad, because this was supposed to be my summer project that I wouldn't give up on. But maybe this summer it will actually work. I think I was going in the wrong direction with it before. I wanted it to be something that I just wasn't even comfortable doing. I want to write about how I'm feeling and I don't really care if anybody reads it or not. It's something for me. I want to prove to myself that I can set this goal and stick with it till the end of the summer...at least! It's going to be going in a different direction from now. A kind of "everyday girl" perspective. I realize it may just sound like I'm some self-centered girl who can't get enough of talking about herself and her life, and that may be true for all you know, but I don't care. Read this or not, enjoy it or not. I'm just putting it out there. Because you know what? I bet there's someone out there, some boy who wants to know what goes on inside a girl's head, or some girl who just wants to read something she can relate to. Either way, I'm excited to be writing again.
And now here I am - content, excited, rejuvenated (sort of).
Thanks for reading
Love,
Rachel